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Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow
to bull.
Teacher(Angrily): Can't your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I've learned that you cannot make
someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic
and give in. =)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A notice in a factory for girl workers.
"If your skirt is long, protect yourself
from machines at work..
If it is short, protect yourself from men at work"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Press down.
down more
deeper
more
YES
ahh
ohh
yes
Almost there!
ooh baby
faster
harder
FEEL GOOD?
mmmm
THAT'S TEXTUAL INTERCOURSE
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
( ')
/ / in love !
/ /
( ) )
, ( ') engaged
/ , '
( ) )
married
, - - .
( ) )'(, )
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Please
( ) press down!
( ) )
( ')
/ /
( ) ) oh yeah !!!
( ')'.:,".;.
/ / ';".',,'
/ / ooohhh
( ) ) baby ur good!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your
nuts.
This is no ordinary blow job!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked
woman
with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing
and he answered
- waiting for autumn.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A cat tries to get a sausage out of a
river, but gets its paws wet,
then it see a bigger one but falls in! MORAL OF STORY? The
bigger
the sausage the wetter the pussy!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the
cat fell in the lake,
the rooster laughed! LESSON: when there's a wet pussy,
there's a happy cock!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sex expert was once asked whether a rape is possible while
running.
No, he replied, woman can run faster with her skirt up than a
man with his pants down.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man had "I LOVE YOU" tattooed on his dick.
He went home and proudly showed his wife. "There you go
again, trying to put words into my mouth", she said.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A baby dog asks mama dog: How papa looks like.
Mama dog said: "Your dad came from behind, I do not have the chance to
see its face carefully!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
One day there was this naked man and elephant,
the elephant looks at the naked man for a few seconds, ask the naked
man, "HOW CAN YOU BREATH THROUGH THAT LITTLE THING?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked.
I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He
said, "Because you came home early."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sounds women make during sex.
1) Asthmatic - ah.ahh.ah..ah.
2) Obedient - yes.yes..yes.
3) Unsatisfied - more. more...more.
4) Religious - oh god. oh god.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you like mathematics? If so, add a bed, subtract your
clothes,
divide your legs and we can multiply!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do 90%
of the girls have a bigger left breast ?
) (
( .)( . )
) (
because....
90% of the
boys are
right handed..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another
"I slept wid ur mom last nite"
D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy's
response.
He laughs & says, "Lets go home
dad, U r drunk"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
When an apple is green, its ready to
pluck. When a girl in eighteen, she is ready to...
VOTE. You dirty mind, Elections are
near, but I know what you were thinking.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why Mahendra Singh Dhoni has no
girlfriend?....
Because, he drinks 2 litre of milk daily.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Boy (to girl): What's there in between
your legs?
Girl: Hell! And what's there in between
your legs?
Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl & Boy were having sex.
Girl: Darling, I want you to kiss my
lips!
Boy: Sure, which 1 would you prefer
first, lower lip or upper lip?
Girl: Middle lips, the ones right in the
middle of my legs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady1: How come your husband is always
home on time?
Lady2: I have made a simple rule. SEX
will be at 9PM, whether you are here or not.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
An journalist to mallika sherawat:
What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake
up?
Mallika: I go back to my home!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Colour of underwear reflects your mood:
Red - Wild,
Black - Sexy,
Blue - Romantic,
Pink - Seductive
White - Calm,
Yellow - time to change your undrewear!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline,
"Dentist caught filling wrong cavity".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Wives r incoming calls,
Lovers r outgoing calls,
Aunties r Toll-free calls,
Callgirls r Roaming calls,
Neighbour girls r Missed Calls.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
It’s short thing, gets longer when u hold it,
and pass between women breasts, and enters into a hole.
What is it? Car Seat Belt, you dirty mind.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Make luv to ur galfriend on Valentine day.
She'll give u gud news on Mothers` day n u'll hv a child on children`s
day.
Don't try this on everybody.
U'll hv bad news on Dec 1 (AIDS day)
----------------------------------------------------------------
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